still.in.awe

<3

2008-03-28T09:13:00.001+08:00

I just want to remember this exact moment and so i'm blogging.

:o)
<3

a prayer

2007-11-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

Lord, thank you for giving me eyes that see clearly more than what is here and now. Encourage me more as i take (big) step(s) one at a time. Direct my path more than ever. Help me to be patient - in waiting and in everything. Make/Allow me to love you more than everything else. I failed and may fail some more. Help me get up on my feet, for i cannot walk the way i did without you beside me.

You're all i will ever need, ABBA.

<3ice

Dear - -

2007-11-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

I'm looking at your reflection in the mirror right now, and i see nothing but pure beauty.

It's not perfect - a blemish here and there, but when you smile, there's something about your eyes. It's not explainable, but all i can say is that it's pure beauty.

I hate to say but your face isn't wrinkle-free, perhaps because of the many times you frowned or cried, nevertheless it's pure beauty.

Your smile says a lot, i hope you smile more than you'd ever cry, all the days of your life. For in your smile, i see pure beauty.

You are beautiful not because you're happy nor successful, for even without these, to me you are a pure beauty.

It's what's in your heart that makes me see the pure beauty that is in you.

Maybe someday i shall see what's in it just as much as i see your reflection now - face to face.

a prayer…

2007-10-08T13:53:00.000+08:00

…from the past

oOo

2005 Juli 31

Dear God,

I let go of everything I hold on to, even the last pieces that I’ve been gripping on to (all my life). Father, I empty my heart before you today. Knowing Lord, that you will give me a new one. Fill it Lord, with new desires, new things to love, and better cries. A heart that beats your heartbeat. A heart that will never cease to seek your own heart. A heart that loves not out of my own strength but by the love that you have shown me. A heart that is not proud. A heart that is enduring, gives freely. A heart that will always trust and obey You.

I love You, my God.

Q's

2007-10-08T12:00:00.000+08:00

Copy and paste into a new bulletin. When you are done, send it on. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following... they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

What is your name?
aiza camina

4 letter word:
araw

Vehicle:
aston martin

City:
antipolo (it’s a city, right?)

Boy Name:
ambo

Girl Name:
america

Alcoholic drink:
alcohol (?) hehehe..i don’t know

Occupation:
anthropologist

Something you wear:
a&f shirts

Celebrity:
america ferrera

Food:
alimango, pwede rin alimasag :p

Something found in a bathroom:

astring-o-sol mouthwash (tagal ko inisip yun)

Reason for Being Late:
ang traffic

Cartoon Character:
angelica pickles

Something You Shout:
awch! hehe

Friends you're tagging to do this survey:
anyone who wants (A pa rin ha!)

oOo

isa pa!

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
How Many Times, How Many Lies – The Pussycat Dolls

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kindness – Chris Tomlin (galing!)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Easier Than Love - Switchfoot

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Mmmbop – Hanson (sabi ko na e, i'm gonna be an Mmmmmboppper)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
1000 Things – Jason Mraz

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Unspoken – Jaci Velasquez

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
We Are The Reason – Avalon (Christmas song?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
O Little Town of Bethlehem – Chris Rice (Christmas song ulit)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
4:12 – Switchfoot

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Do What You Want – Black Eyed Peas (hahaha!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Lioness Hunt – The Lion King Musical Broadway (ooh wow! Lioness!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Blue Moon – Sofia (duet with Roji Soriano)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Are You Ready – The Katinas (as in..)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Goodbye, Good Night – Jars of Clay

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
When The Saints Go Marching In - Elvis Presley (how romantic, eh?)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Best Song Ever – Chris Rice (ganda naman!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Get Rhythm – Joaquin Phoenix (beat that!)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
TL Ako Sa ‘yo – Kitchie Nadal (ay sus naman talaga)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Pedestal – Fergie

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Hello Again – Dave Matthews Band

WHAT WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?
God of Nations – Newsboys

of Marriage

2007-10-01T12:52:00.000+08:00

Thanks Yanee for this article :o)

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability,
or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to
do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits?

What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you ! can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their
relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never ques! tion these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make.

Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.

It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension
and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of
life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation.

If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom... endlessly.

just a thought

2007-09-27T11:20:00.000+08:00

There are times that I know in my heart everything is going well for me – my family, my work, my ministry, my relationship with the Lord. Yet, I still find myself lacking, unmotivated. And I don’t know why. Sigh.

Excerpts

2007-09-24T14:01:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from my other blog, dated March 30, 2007.

Then I realized, it was time to run back to You. I was so afraid to go back, I couldn’t imagine myself turning my back from the so-called ‘good life’ and run a mile just to get hold of You. In spite of that, I made up my mind, I was going to pursue You. So, I turned my back, head bowed down and to my surprise You were right there behind me. No need for me to run or even take one more step. You were there all along. I knew at that moment I made the right decision.

Here's another one from my entry entitled "Surreal. Delightful. Beautiful. Hopeful." dated April 20, 2006.

If love in dreams feels like almost-heaven, then in real life it must really be like heaven.

Kamusta naman? hahaha!

oOo

Lord, thank YOU!
You made me soar like the eagles
You made me fly so high
You made me see things the way You do
You made me more than what i thought i could be
You made me strong
You made me walk on water
You made me sail across the stormy sea
You made me what i am today.

07202007

2007-07-20T10:16:00.000+08:00

Haaay, bakit ngayon nga lang ba ko mag-a-update. Sobrang dami na nangyari. When I got back from Melbourne – oh yeah, my company sent me and I stayed there for 5 weeks. It was a lovely experience. Met people, learned so much things – about life in general, realized, again, so much things. Everything was really unexpected. When my boss asked for my passport pa, I just got reminded expired na pala, in short, nagka-delay delay pa tuloy yung visa. Nevertheless, the trip pushed through and it made so much happy. :D going back – I, together with my WHOLE family, prepared a little party for my grandparents. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. I prepared a short video for them, complete with their binata/dalaga to boyfriend/girlfriend to wedding to father/mother pictures plus a shot message from us, their apo’s. When the party ended, it also ended the life of my iPod and laptop. Well, hindi naman talaga ended, kasi hindi naman nasira or anything, they were stolen. At kung sino man kumuha, sana nakatulong sa buhay nya ang mga preachings na nasa podcast ko. Pero, until now, it makes me so SAD when I get reminded na ALL my pictures were gone (pictures from Christmas, from Melbourne, mom’s US pictures, videos, personal files – EVERYTHING!!) It pains me so much.

Pero, I know, in my heart, the there is a perfect reason why all these happened. Maybe, it’s a sign for me to grow up, to mature, to start anew again. Well, whatever it is, I know it’s a good one.

There’s so much more I’d like to write and blabber about. Maybe, tomorrow ulit.

I missed this! :o)

to sum "me" up in pictures

2007-07-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-06-13T14:50:00.000+08:00

It is only now that I realized I lost it.

Sometimes I stop, ask myself “Why?”

I’m sad.

I still can’t get over it.

Dear God, Thank You

2007-03-26T15:49:00.000+08:00

Dear God, thank you so much for the many blessings you are showering me (and my family). I am not worthy of all these beautiful things/opportunities. I am no one without You. Yet, God, there are times that I neglect You in my life. Admittedly, I was so selfish of my time that I could neither get up an hour earlier nor sleep an hour late to do my devotions. Lord, You’re love is unfailing. I love you Father.

oOo

Thank You
The Katinas

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can't get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord just for loving me
Many times I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me
You are there when I am down and out
You're holding me, Your love is so amazing
Oh it changed me

Chorus:

Here I am with all I am
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank you, oh thank you
For everything, for who You are
You cover me, You touch my heart
I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
My Jesus, words cannot explain
Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed mercy

CHORUS

I wanna say thank you for the sun
I wanna say thank you for the rain
Everything You do is beautiful
I'm so grateful for Your love

for noone

2007-02-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

Where?

Not here.

Maybe someday.

Your here will be my here too.

Our there will be pointed to the same place.

anything Ordinary can be something Extraordinary

2007-01-15T14:30:00.000+08:00

Do you recognize these flowers? Actually, these are the usual bushy weeds that you would see along the sidewalks. They may look common from afar but look how intricate it is when seen closely-lovely.

Life is sometimes like that. Everything seems so ordinary, it’s only when we take it deeper that we understand its real meaning, its beauty.

Ang taong 2006 bow!

2006-12-29T16:02:00.001+08:00

Ang bilis 2007 na!!!
Kita mo nga naman parang whirlwind lang ang 2006 sa bilis.

Ngayong 2006…

…naging 22 ako.
…nag-celebrate ako ng birthday ko with the young girls in Marillac, this is a first. Sana maulit.
…nag-one year ako sa work ko.
…bumalik si daddy from work.
…naging orphans kami for a month.
…maraming umalis na malapit sa puso ko.
...marami ring bumalik na dating umalis.
...naging rollercoaster ride ang buhay ko, may lungkot at sayang walang kapantay.
…marami akong natutunan na hindi ko makukuha sa mga libro.
…nabasa kong muli ang The Alchemist, ang ganda talaga!
…nirecord ang aking boses at pinatugtog sa harap ng maraming tao, isang line lang naman pero kahit na hindi ko talaga linya yan.
…nagtagpo na rin kami ni Oluchi, ang aking ipod, salamat Target.
…lumipat na ako ng kwarto, mas malaking space, mas malaking closet.
…marami akong nakilalang tao at naging kaibigan.
…may iilan na tao na mas nakilala ko pang mabuti at di naman ako nagsisi.
…nagustuhan ko ang kulay brown at green. Ngayon ko lang sila naappreciate.
…may ilang bagay na nagdulot ng saya pero marami rin ang nagdala ng kalungkutan.
…nag-enrol ako sa Condensed World Mission Course.
…natutunan ang hiwaga ng giving.
…namiss ko lalo si Aleli kasi nag-dodorm na sya.
…ang kauna-unahang pasko na wala kaming Christmas Tree, pero hindi naman ibig sabihin malungkot kasi hindi naman yun yung source of joy diba.
…na-addict ako sa Oliver’s – tuna sandwich at isang creamy egg mayo nga please.
… dalawang beses akong nag-over-time ng isang buong month (or more pa ata).
…first time ko nagcommute ng super late sa Makati na nag-iisa, hehehe as if scary naman.
…maraming beses din ako na-late sa work.
…naging super blog stalker ako, hahaha binabasa ko lang naman eh, nakakatuwa kasi malaman na may kapareho ka or kaiba na insights about some things.
…naging avid reader ako ng inq7.net. Pati newspaper ko online na rin hehe.
…nakapag-badminton ako kahit mejo busy.
…marami akong activities na namiss sa church.
…na-realize ko na tumatanda na nga ako hahaha. Din a ko maka-relate minsan sa mga nteens.
…hindi ako nahilig sa anumang tv show except CSI.
…2 beses lang ako ng nagpagupit ng buhok.
…nadiscover ko si Ms. Melanie (Lanie for short) ng Going Straight na masarap mag-manicure at pedicure hehehe.
…for the first time na-irritate ako sa isang Neutrogena product, which is unbelievable dahil since high school na-try ko ng gumamit nun.
…marami akong kaibigan na kinasal or ikakasal. Yung pinsan ko rin pala kinasal.
…naeenjoy ko na ulit ang oatmeal.
…masyado akong natuwa sa pasta, pizza at gelato ng Amici di Don Bosco.
…marami akong bagay/luho na binili na hindi naman dapat, in short sayang na pera :c
…may mga pangarap akong nabuo na sana ay magkatoo.
…mas naging conscious ako sa time, tipong super multitasker madalas. At alam kong mali yun – hurried sickness nga daw kung tawagin, palagi kasing nagmamadali kahit la naman reason.
…marami akong blessings na nareceive na maski hindi ko naman in-ask kay God eh pinrovide pa rin nya. Thank you Lord.
...na-realize ko ung mga attitudes ko na dapat baguhin at mga weaknesses na dapat i-overcome. Haay kakayanin!
…marami rin akong pagkakamali na nagawa pero importante natuto ako.
…mas unti-unti akong naliwangan kung ano nga ba talaga ang purpose ng buhay ko dito.

Sana mas maging makabuluhan ang darating na 2007 :o)

oOo

A happy, healthy, victorious New Year to everyone!!!

naks! genius daw :P

2006-12-20T15:10:00.000+08:00

rak en rol..i miss you maine!!!

2006-12-19T15:19:00.000+08:00

For Jarmina my labs!!!

Cool Slideshows

with a smile

2006-12-19T10:57:00.000+08:00

Christmas is coming.
and I'm happy.

Excited.

Thankful.

it's best when...

2006-12-13T15:34:00.000+08:00

...good things come when you least expect them
...i open my eyes and smile because i had a beautiful dream
...i get the chance to strike up a conversation with a (nice/harmless) stranger when i commute or just anywhere
...i have my (KFC, mcdo, jollibee, ministop) two-piece chicken with rice and a drum of gravy for breakfast or lunch or dinner or merienda (?)
...i make someone smile
...i exchange good mornings with people on the street as i walk along ayala ave
...i watch lifestyle shows on days that i have nothing to worry about
...my cousins are sleeping over at our house
...i have my whole family to celebrate every single day with
...it's Christmas and everyone in our family is present and everyone's happy
...i know i'm ok even when others think i'm not
...i enjoy what i'm doing
...i cook not because i have to
...i'm home ;o)

I'm on cloud nine..come, join me!!!

2006-11-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

I don’t know what’s with me today.
I haven’t felt like this for a long time.

I’ve been commuting my way to Makati for the past two weeks. My Dad’s home so he’ll be the one taking my Mum to her office. I think it’s a great way for them to catch up and spend more time together. Then, he leaves the car at the Enterprise so my Mum and I can use it on our way home.

So anyway, this morning it was different. I was smiling the moment I hopped on the bus maybe because I got on it just after a few minutes of waiting, and I was still smiling as I walked along Paseo de Roxas maybe because the clouds momentarily hid the sun and it’s beautiful when the whole place suddenly gets shady and then it becomes sunny again. Moving on, my wait on the elevator was pleasant albeit it’s unsurprisingly sluggish.

I can’t explain what exactly it is that’s keeping me happy today. After all, I guess there’s nothing wrong with being happy for no specific reason. I’m just plain happy with my life, I guess.

oOo

A Date for Christmas

Yesterday, while bloghopping I came across this site. I think it’s great that there’s still someone like him who defines love more than the word itself. Although, I’ve always believed in my heart that there are still great guys who are like that in this crazy(/beautiful) world :o). I just thought that maybe it could have been more beautiful if we stop chasing or looking for ‘that person’. Yes, Christmas may become more special if we have ‘that person’ to celebrate it with. But, I think every Christmas or birthday, etc. that I celebrate without ‘that person’ is already special because who knows it might be my last holiday or my second to the last or my fifth..(ok, you get the point) without 'that person'. Thus making my every day un-ordinary.

Am I becoming senseless?

Anyway, visit http://datejoaquin.com.
Gaya nga ng sabi nya, I might just be your(and Joaquin’s) cupid.

:o)

I am here not to start the race, but to finish it.

2006-10-12T12:40:00.000+08:00

Things aren't so well right now.
But I don't think of them that much.
I'll just get upset.

I just remind myself, "These too shall pass.."
Besides, I am serving a God who is greater than all there is in this world.

oOo

it's hard to please everybody, and if you do, or even try, you'll end up making your life miserable..
but it's hard not to..
but i have to try..

You...

2006-07-31T12:47:00.000+08:00

You are created for a deeper purpose.

You are worth more than you think you are.

You can give more - love, financial blesings, hugs, kisses, comfort, time - than you are actually giving now.

You are a blessing to many others.

You are precious and beautiful.

You are going to get there - that perfect place - in God's time.

You can be greater.

You may not be perfect but you can be better.

It is not an accident that you are reading this. Maybe God is telling you the same things now, check your heart.

Smile.

Life is beautiful, right?

Walking on water

2006-06-27T16:57:00.000+08:00

It’s a sad reality that people can leave you in a second. Some will come back after a month or two sometimes even after a year. But the hardest is, when they don’t come back at all…for good.

As I was blog-hopping, I learned that a friend of one of my batch mates passed away early this year. I felt sad, and surprised because I don’t even know this guy but I felt just so heartbroken. Probably because he was just my age, but it was more because of the question “What if he hadn’t accepted Christ as his Savior yet? What if nobody had shared the Good News to him?” I felt guilty for the reason that it’s my responsibility as a Christian to lead more lost souls to Christ. Everyday more and more people are dying without even knowing who Jesus is, some are even unfamiliar with the name of Jesus. This is a heartrending fact.

oOo

On the lighter side, life has never been this great. I’m slowly picking up the pieces of my once broken life. I’m learning that it’s ok to commit mistakes, I’m not perfect, no one is except the Lord. And that makes it even greater, imagine I am living this life for the One who is perfect. What could be better than that, eh?

In the past, whenever I do something wrong, like when I know I had hurt someone else’s feelings, it would take me time to forgive myself. Thank God, I am now passed that stage. I have an understanding God. And He sees my heart ♥.

What’s important is that I am again willing to walk on water. I had stepped out of the boat 5 years ago, and never will I return to that boat, I’d rather let myself get in the boats of other people so that they too can experience what it’s like to walk on water with the Creator. That’s what keeps me floating.

Getting lost in familiar roads

2006-06-21T15:52:00.000+08:00

My Mum left this morning for the States. When I was on my way home from the airport, I got lost. I must’ve missed a turn or something. The funny thing was it took me more than 10-15 minutes to actually acknowledge that I, indeed, am lost. Although, I was already starting to doubt that I’m driving on the wrong side of the road. Once, I got on the right road, I found myself asking “What happened? How could I possibly get myself lost?” That wasn’t the first time I have driven in Parañaque, I’ve been there too many times.

Well, whatever is the reason behind my getting lost earlier, I don’t know, but it sure had happened to me before. The only difference is, it was not on the roads of Parañaque, it was on the roads of my spiritual journey. I have been lost heaps of times. I was too often blinded by a myriad of worldly things that I have forgotten the basics of life.

oOo

Life is so much beautiful.
Bravura!

i wonder as i wander

2006-06-07T14:56:00.000+08:00

Man, everybody seems to be leaving.

My mum’s leaving for the glamorous US of A on the 23rd..i think.

An officemate left also, just this week. He’ll be working in Singapore.

My Momi Matet left last Sunday. She first went to Hong Kong for some tour, and she’s probably in China by this time.

And good old me is still here in good old Philippines. (Don't get me wrong, i love it here!)

I want some change in my life, something nice, something unexpected.

I want to go somewhere else, somewhere far.

I want to try skydiving or skiing.

I want to do something crazy and fun and memorable.

I want to treat everyone in my family to one whole week of vacation/relaxation in a really beautiful, serene, spectacular place.

I want to make all these I-want-to’s to come about.

Someday, maybe..i hope.

Lastly, I want to go back to His dwelling place. Feel secure and loved and understood. Please me see the path that leads back to You. And when I get there, I’ll leave no more. I’ll be content holding Your hand.

A Time for Everything

2006-05-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

A Time for Everything

Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)

1
There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity under heaven.

2
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.

4
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6
A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.

8
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

o0o

Those verses are just perfect when I feel like I want to get over with this-and-that and can't wait to move on. Or when I'm in the why-is-this-happening stage. It reminds me that there's always a time for everything, no hurrying should be done but of course that doesn't give me the liberty to be lethargic.

Unfathomable

2006-05-12T11:48:00.000+08:00

I can not pretend that
I understand it all
I can only trust in the beauty of Your promises

Who am I to question Your greatness
But still You listen to every word I say
When all else fail, You even take my place
To bear all the pains and the shame

Now I know
You are always with me
Beside me

When I look back and see all the mess I’ve gotten myself into
I am reminded of every tear I caused You

But You held me in Your arms and prompted me
That it was all part of the past
That You have forgiven me
That Your love for me yesterday, today, and tomorrow shall remain unchanged

Now, I still am not perfect
I still doubt and worry at times
But everything else is expunged when I’m reminded of You
Because You are the ultimate reason of why I’m here, of all these trials and triumphs
I now live for You

If I was a planet, You will be the sun
I will choose to be Mercury so I could be the one nearest You

So I could get a glimpse of Your every miracle
So I could hear Your every sigh
So I could watch You closely
So I could experience what it’s like to be intimately near You

o0o

I am not a writer, I was never one. I only become a writer every night when I record my everyday comings and goings in my private journal. Or when I do write on this blog.

But today, I don’t know what has gotten into me. I was able to find the words to express what’s in my heart.

I know the lines aren’t perfect, there’s no rhyme. It’s not a masterpiece. But it’s from my heart and it’s something special.

I’m just grateful for everything that has been happening for me and my family.Well, none of us (dad, mum and I) got promoted or had a raise. Neither one of my sisters received a special award last March. But I’m thankful. Knowing that even when I get stripped off of every material possession, of friends, of relatives, of the people I love the most... I will be fine. I shall be fine. I shall not be moved. For He is with me. He alone is enough. He is my strength, my provider, my comforter, my Father.

...

2006-05-11T14:33:00.000+08:00

Where art thou?

You who understand me best even in silence

You who play dulcet music to fill the deafening sound of stillness

You who whisper sweet words to complement the lovely night spent with you

Tell me.

Or should I just wait.

And wait.

It doesn't matter.

When all I really want is to be with you.

x-ing the x

2006-05-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

just because i'm still a lasallian at heart...and bored?!

( ) get caught by the DO
(x) wear inappropriate attire (shirt, shorts, and slippers)
(x) watch a UAAP la salle vs ateneo game live in araneta
(x) eat at AGNO
( ) smoke at AGNO
(x) hangout at AGNO
(x) hangout at a friend's condo
(x) sing the alma mater
( ) swim at the olympic size swimming pool
(x) have class in all the buildings (minus Mutien Marie and STRC )
( ) use the football field
(x) hang out in ampitheater
(x) watch something during the u-break in the ampitheater
(x) cross enroll
( ) be a 1st honors dean's lister
( ) be a 2nd honors dean's lister
(x) get a 0.0
(x) get a 4.0 (except P.E and NSTP)
(x) eat in mcdonalds
(x) eat in UM (KFC included)
(x) eat somewhere outside near the campus (not fastfood)
(x) borrow/reserve something in the IMS
(x) get a major or minor offense
(x) go out with 5 or more blockmates during freshmen
(x) walk around the campus with 4 or more blockmates after freshmen
(x) cut a class together with blockmates
(x) beg for a higher grade during course card distribution
(x) adjust
(x) be active in an organization
(x) be a member of TAPAT or SANTUGON
(x) be stereotyped by others according to your college (CBE, COE, COS, CLA, CCS, cED)
(x) get an alarm sound when you scan your id
( ) talk to your LAMB aside from LPEP
( ) be deceived by the false names of professors in the on-line enrollment
(x) pay surcharge
(x) go to the chapel
(x) hear mass
(x) visit the museum
(x) know a xerox lady
(x) sleep in the library
(x) get to know mang jack
(x) get to know jenny
( ) got/given something to someone during the valentines week
(x) have a class after 6:00 pm
(x) talk about someone passing by while on a bench in SJ walk
(x) study in conservatory
(x) print somewhere near outside the campus
(x) type somewhere near outside the campus
(x) cram
(x) do a last minute paper
( ) date a lasallian
(x) have a crush on your blockmate
(x) have a crush on your classmate
( ) have a crush on your professor
( ) attend a seminar outside lasalle
(x) talk to a lasallian celebrity (model, actress, vj, etc.)
(x) sleep in a class
( ) have/had a lasallian girlfriend/boyfriend
( ) be in a conflict with a professor
(x) witness pda inside the campus
(x) use a computer in the computer laboratories
( ) be drunk somewhere near outside the campus
(x) forget your ID at home
(x) get exempted from finals
(x) stay at school till 10:00 or later
(x) actually read a whole article in The Lasallian
(x) actually read a whole article in Plaridel
(x) took time to look at the 'Proudly Lasallian' stands in the campus
(x) thought that yuchengco restrooms are the best restrooms
(x) shifted / planned to shift
(x) read a whole book borrowed at the library
(x) eat inside the classroom
(x) get a txt or call with your cellphone not in silent mode during class
(x) spend money for 1X1 ID pictures
( ) break something in the laboratory
( ) ask the library for an endorsement
(x) entered the thesis room in the library
(x) searched a professor in the DLSU website
(x) park in the beach
(x) park in Sports Complex
(x) eat siomai (inside or outside near the school)
(x) tasked to photocopy for a bunch of people
(x) enter a job fair in campus
(x) buy a raffle ticket, donate something, sign a signature campaign inside the campus
( ) sell raffle tickets, ask for donations, made people sign signature campaigns inside the campus
(x) watch something at night in the yuchengco theater
(x) make a video for a class project
(x) make a powerpoint presentation
(x) give a very low evaluation to a professor
(x) eat inside the java cafe
(x) be pissed with a guard
(x) go to the clinic
(x) nearly reached / reached excess absences
(x) pick a popular professor (infamous, cool, generous, cute) for a subject
(x) be the one to make the 'mass overload sound' in an elevator
(x) buy something in the bookstore
(x) lose your cellphone

"Who am I?"

2006-05-08T16:10:00.000+08:00

Who Am I
by Casting Crowns
album: Casting Crowns (2003)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours I am Yours

o0o

gaaaah....i love this song. It's so true. How can God love me this much? I sin, i doubt, i even worry. Yet He forgives me. Thank you Abba Father.

untitled?!?

2006-05-08T13:40:00.000+08:00

Ok, well, the moving to “that” place isn’t materializing as far as I’m concerned. Why?

Because I’m not doing anything about it anymore. I stopped gathering information about GRE and TOEFL exams plus these exams are so pricey. And, I have gotten tired of looking for other universities.

Also, I’m not really sure if that’s what I want for my life. Honestly, I just want a simple life. But then, of course the idea of living somewhere else excites me, who isn’t anyway.

Maybe, it’s not really about living somewhere else, maybe it’s because I just know that I’m made for better things. Not that I’m not loving what I’m doing right now, of course I love my job, I love where I’m at right now. It’s just that, there’s gotta be more than this.

So much for that.

I’ve been bloghopping this past few days, and I’ve read blogs of different people from different places and walks of life. Some of the blogs i have read are even written by local celebs. It’s a reminder that these young people that I see on billboards/tv are just as emo, as real as I am. I just hope that people would learn to respect their newfound niche online, it’s sad that there are those who’d post nasty comments on their blog. Well, it’s so pathetic. Give the guy a break! It isn’t that easy to pour out those sentiments and make it available for everyone to read. Well, in case you are a celeb blogger (*which is very unlikely to happen :o) *) and you’re reading this, keep it real!

oOo

"Ill that God blesses is our good, and unblest good is ill;
And all is right that seems most wrong, if it be His sweet will."-Hudson Taylor

i hate it. i'm hating it. i hate me. i'm hating me.

2006-04-21T13:07:00.001+08:00

was: happy, carefree, excited, loved

now: hate. hate. hate. stubborn.

i know it's wrong but why am i allowing it to happen...

arggh.

life.

can be so complicated.

That perfect moment

2006-04-18T17:53:00.000+08:00

I wonder what it's like to look so deep in your eyes
I wonder what it's like to hold your hand
I wonder what it's like to caress your beautiful face
I wonder what it's like to just sit beside you under the dark sky
I wonder what it's like to share with you a cold drink or whatever your favorite dish is
I wonder what it's like to have your arms wrapped around me
I wonder what it's like to let my fingers run through your soft, brown hair
I wonder what it's like to walk barefooted with you along the shores of a serene blue beach

For now, I'll have to wonder and think and daydream and marvel

Until forever becomes forever.

stalk me not

2006-04-18T17:37:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I was browsing through some blogs of people I do not know and yes, of some people that I know of, a few of them doesn't know me (it's NOT stalking, it's uhmm..) I'm always fascinated whenever I see that 'other side' of the people I know. Be it their artistic, creepy, geeky, soft, and sometimes even their troubled side, I always find myself astonished. It just makes me more interested and keen to be acquainted with them.

Trust His heart

2006-04-18T06:02:00.000+08:00

Life is so beautiful. Yes, not all are turning out the way I’d like them but that’s what makes life more beautiful. It’s the flaws, the unexpected realities, the unpredictable situations that reminds me to look up and trust His heart.

I’ve learned to trust Him, when nothing makes sense, for in the end what really matters is how much I’ve allowed God to take control of the things I can’t control. That’s the essence of His lordship over my life anyway. For now, I’m just being obedient (well, I try..).

MOVED: reflections

2006-01-13T10:00:00.000+08:00

Living a life that is not according to His will is the loneliest, worthless life..

Everything is pointless..

MOVED: something to read :o)

2006-01-12T11:21:00.000+08:00

In 1991, when Rolling Stone interviewed Dylan on the occasion of his 50th birthday, he gave a curious response when the interviewer asked him if he was happy. He fell silent for a few moments and stared at his hands. 'You know,' he said, 'these are yuppie words, happiness and unhappiness. It's not happiness or unhappiness, it's either blessed or unblessed.'

This record was written somewhere between the blessed and the unblessed, between the godly and the ungodly by a few young urban professionals from San Diego. These songs are dreams and questions, bleeding together, breathing in and out- always somewhere between life and death. And I feel this tension, this distance now more than ever, like a numbing ache... deep inside. The distance between the way things are and the way they could be, the distance between the shadow and the sun. And this is where we exist: within the paradox. Living out our lives: oxygen and carbon and hydrogen and so on... This record was the attempt to make something beautiful in filthy backstage dressing rooms everywhere, trying to sing something true with a broken heart. This record was written about things that I don't understand.

And yes, there's more than a wink of irony in all of this: making music from our most intimate thoughts and selling these songs online for a dollar a pop. Singing an anthem every night about how "we were meant to live for so much more" and many times feeling like a failure; singing "I dare you to move"and feeling trapped. Both loving and hating all the fuss that the music has brought. Knowing that even Rock and Roll, perhaps the best job in the world will not make me happy (in the yuppie sense of the word).

And yes, this American life is absurd! a strange paradox indeed... Perhaps no amount of money, sex, or power has ever satisfied us before, but maybe today will be different! Maybe this new purchase will make me happy! And the sun rises and sets once more- another day, another dollar. A carbonated beverage will help to chase your insecurities away. This new product will help to fill the meaningless void I feel inside. And so I drink the beverage, wear the clothes, and watch the war on TV. meaningless. meaning less.

Do we hunt our ridiculous suburban dreams like the neighborhood cat? Have we quietly fallen in line with the advertisement? Are we driven by ego uncontrolled, our lives simply vain pursuits of meaningless ends? Do we attempt to validate our existence by materiel means, relational acquisitions, sexual conquests, fiscal achievement, and cultural prowess? It was another jewish man who said something like this a while back.

"All is meaningless,"
Declares the teacher.
"Meaningless, meaningless,
Everything is meaningless"

For me, there is a terrible, wonderful freedom in coming to terms with these un-happy, un-yuppie words. It's a strange consolation in our dizzy and breathless race for happiness to find that you will never outrun the horizon. It's an avalanche you can't escape. It's a fatal wound that you cannot heal. If you fall on this rock you will be broken, if it falls on you you will be crushed. You see, this album started with a blow between the eyes that I am still recovering from, that's really all I've got to offer these days.

So in the half-light glow of radio shows, music videos, and greedy billboard charts I am aware of a darkness that is beyond me, I am coming to terms with my unbelief. No, I don't believe in rock and roll. No, I don't believe in the success that we've achieved. And no, I don't believe in me. In a free market world of the bought and sold I feel caught in between. I believe I've heard about a man who was exploited to sell everything from indulgences to the wars of men. And yet he offered only one bitter pill that was not easily marketed. Maybe that's what this record hopes to be: a simple bitter pill of truth that steps outside of our hamster wheel and looks up at the stars and beyond.

Maybe Dylan was right when he said Rock and Roll isn't Rock and Roll anymore. I've met so many lonely, desperate, beautiful people over the past few years. Yeah, I've got a bitter pill to swallow, but it just might be true. Maybe our lives drift quietly by and we can't stop the current. Maybe this modern river leads to the sea of death, where no medicine can cure these ills. Perhaps our restless wanting is satisfied only outside of ourselves.

It was another jewish man who said something like this, "If you seek to gain your soul you will lose it." I am on a journey that will one day come to final terms with these words.

-JON FOREMAN on Nothing Is Sound Album, SWITCHFOOT
http://www.switchfoot.com/musicmain.htm

MOVED: HOW's for the day...

2005-12-12T13:04:00.000+08:00

"...and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time..."-from Never Been Kissed

This is so true..

How can something so precious, so beautiful as falling in love be so scary.. Well, it is scary, but how..I am not making sense..But it is scary, right?

How i wish that for once every person (esp. the people i kow) will just love -that somebody- with all the love that they can give and never worry about that dreadful time.

oOo

How i wish that there'll be a time that i can just do something and never think of its consequences. Its not that i don't like to take risks it's just that i was taught to always be responsible for my actions. And it's not easy being like that, i feel so stupid and a failure when things don't go as i have planned them..

MOVED: ...

2005-12-02T14:22:00.000+08:00

Today, I’ve learned that sometimes God may even leave us in the difficult circumstances we ask to be liberated from so we can grow. I don’t know if I’m exactly in the same situation. It may seem that I have almost every basic need of an average 21 year old, but I still feel that something’s lacking. It’s not that I’m not happy, well, sometimes I wish I’m in a different place or situation, but that doesn’t mean I ‘m not grateful for the blessings I’m receiving each day. I just know that some things aren’t just right.

MOVED: Thank You!!!

2005-10-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

got this one from an email...i liked the idea of a "thank you" journal.

THANK YOU
By Oprah Winfrey
I live in the space of thankfulness - and I have been rewarded a million times over for it. I started out giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased. That's because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.
"Say thank you!" Those words from my friend and mentor Maya Angelou turned my life around. One day about ten years ago, I was sitting in my bathroom with the door closed and the toilet lid down, booing and ahooing on the phone so uncontrollably that I was incoherent. "Stop it! Stop it right now and say thank you!" Maya chided. "But - you don't understand," I sobbed. To this day, I can't remember what it was that had me so far gone, which only proves the point Maya was trying to make. "I do understand," she told me. "I want to hear you say it now. Out loud. 'Thank you.'" Tentatively, I repeated it:
"Thankyou - but what am I saying thank you for?"
"You're saying thank you," Maya said, "because your faith is so strong that you don't doubt that
whatever the problem, you'll get through it. You're saying thank you because you know that even in the eye of the storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds. You're saying thank you because you know there's no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things. Say thank you!" So I did - and still do. Only now I do it every day.
I kept a gratitude journal, as Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in Simple Abundance, listing at least five things that I'm grateful for. My list includes small pleasures: the feel of Kentucky bluegrass under my feet (like damp silk); a walk in the woods with all nine of my dogs and my cocker spaniel Sophie trying to keep up; cooking fried green tomatoes with Stedman and eating them while they're hot; reading a good book and knowing another awaits. And when I feel that life is hard, all I have to do is read my gratitude journal. IT truly helps. My thank-you list also includes things too important to take for granted: an "okay" mammogram, friends who love me, 15 years at the same job (and loving it more than the first day I started), a chance to share my vision for a better life, staying centered, having financial security. I won't kid you, having money for all the things I want is a blessing. But as I look back over my journals, which I've kept since I was 15 years old, 99 per cent of what brought me real joy had nothing to do with money . (It had a lot to do with food, however.)
It's not easy being grateful all the time. But it's when you feel least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: PERSPECTIVE. Just knowing you have that daily list to complete
allows you to look at your day differently, with an awareness of every sweet gesture and kind thought
passed your way. When you learn to say thank you, you see the world anew. And as Meister Eckhart so eloquently stated:
"If the only prayer you ever say in your whole
life is 'Thank you', that would suffice."

Life can be so complicated at times but when we learn to thank God and appreciate every blessing that comes our way, every answered prayer, every dream that becomes a reality, we'll realize that it doesn't matter how many pains and sufferings, challenges, heartbreaks, disappointments even failures that we go through for we know that, as Maya Angelou would put it, even in the eye of the storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds... It's just a matter of how long we can wait to witness that rainbow.